Remembering Eric  / Amanda (sister)
I'm a day early in typing this but the feelings I feel are so strong today that I figured what would be the harm in getting them all out today.

Tomorrow will mark 7 years since Eric was killed. That is practically 1/2 of what his life was. I can't stop the clock from ticking and as the days pass it really hasn't become any easier. It was just something that had to be accepted and that I could not fix or stop however still not understandable. I still do not know why God chose him that day.

Tomorrow will be another reminder of how fast life can be taken away how someone can be hear one minute and gone the next. One does just not get over the loss of someone probably not ever. Have you know anyone to just "get over it"?. I have not been lucky enough to meet anyone of the sort.

On the afternoon that Eric died we had a fight over the phone. It was a minor sibling fight not real drastic however they were the LAST words I said to my brother. Hours later we were sitting in Shock Trauma and was told he did not make it the accident had been too bad. Initially I obviously was over come with shock. I did not think of the previous conversation we had. Much later probably days I remembered our phone conversation. He had called me at work I was stressed over money. I also had a job interview that day for a promotion at work. I was not considering his feelings at the time and I pretty much let stress over-take me. I hung up the phone that day never telling my brother that I loved him never getting to say how important he was to me never getting to say sorry. For a while I had guilt about-- and actually some days I feel guilty again but on other days I don't feel so bad. I guess it's a matter of where my head is that day.

A few days before Eric died he had come in my room and we did have a great brother/sister talk. He told me some things that were going on in his life. He seemed different that day. Thinking back it's almost as if he knew he was going to be "leaving" the world in days to come. It seemed he was trying to empty his heart and his mind. It was just odd to me then and knowing what happened days later-- it's all of the more odd. That night we talked for hours and he said to me "I love you". I asked him "Why did he love me". He said "You are my sister that is why". It was so sincere. Clearly he didn't need a "reason" to love me. He just loved me because he did. I'm so grateful that we were able to have that conversation. Granted it doesn't make up for the things I didn't get to say to him on the day of his death but it does make me feel better knowing that my brother died KNOWING we loved each other.

I miss him so much. He was so robbed. I've been robbed of seeing him grow up have a career marriage children. I wish he could know my son. I wonder what his interests would be now. There are so many things I just don't know about him.


Eric did get to be a tissue and bone donor. Unfortunately they could not use his organs because of life support issues. I do know that 2 children can now see because of Eric. It's odd to think that 2 people in this world are carrying his eyes. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to "look" into them again. Cornea donations are tracked by the transplant center and I have written a letter years ago to allow "permission" for the receivers to contact me. To date no one has contacted me. Unfortunately the transplant center does not track bone donations. They have too many donations to track whom they go to. However they CAN tell you if the bones have been used. With that said I do know that his arm bone has been transferred. I have not called lately to see what other bones have been transferred. I may one day but right now it's not something that would really change anything for me to know I guess. I hope the person that got his arm bone is an awesome drug player like my brother was. I'd give a day of my life to hear him play just once more. But really wouldn't I ask for more? Close

Easter Wishes  / Melissa Eiler (Visitor)

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New Year  / Debbie Wengert (Kevin's Mom )
We are also from Glen Burnie.  My condolences.

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Prayers / Tara &. Kevin ONeill (Amanda's Friend )
Thinking of you & your family during this difficult time.  Close

Who You'd be Today  / Amanda Sullivan (Sister)
 

"Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney (Bill Luther/Aimee Mayo)

1st Verse

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughin' in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

Chorus

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I been through
Just knowin' no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder
Who you'd be today

2nd Verse

Would you see the world, would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Somedays the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

(Repeat Chorus)

Lame Bridge

Today, today, today
Today, today, today

3rd Verse

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that give me hope
Is I know
I'll see you again some day
Someday, someday

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If Heaven by Andy Griggs / Amanda Sullivan (Sister)
 

If heaven was an hour, itd be twilight

When the fireflies start dancin on the lawn

And suppers on the stove and mammas laughin

And everybodys workin day is done



If heaven was a town itd be my town

On a summer day in 1985

And everything i wanted was out there waiting

And everyone i loved was still alive



Chorus:

Dont cry a tear for me now baby

There comes a time we must all say goodbye

And if thats what heavens made of

You know im not afraid to die



If heaven was a pie it'd be cherry

Cool and sweet and heavy on your tongue

And just one bite would satisfy your hunger

And hered always be enough for everyone



If heaven was a teain it'd be a fast one

To take this weary travler round the bend

And if heavne was a tear it'd be my last one

And youd be in my arms again



Chorus:

Dont cry a tear for me now baby

There comes a time we must all say goodbye

And if thats what heavens made of

You know im not afraid to die

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Dear Squeeks :-D / Rosie (very close friend)

It's a different world with out you Eric.. something I've had to adapt to-turning daily routines into memories. I still think and talk about you to others even if they don't know you because i really miss you and you mean alot to me. Best Friends never forget. Love you

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